Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
