Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
