i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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