Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
