I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
