Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
