I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We're like a lot better than the average bears
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize