I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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