My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
