Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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