Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
