Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
