he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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