do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
