Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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