my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
