let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
