He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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