Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
