I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
