I could have mohawked her pubes.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
