It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize