Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
