3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
