Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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