she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
