im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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