Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
