I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
