the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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