Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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