bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
