So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize