I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
