He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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