I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize