He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
