I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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