i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
