bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
