I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
