Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
