At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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