guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
