Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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