so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
