just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
