Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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