Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
