You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize