i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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