Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
