I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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