i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
