i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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