dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My bed smells like the plague
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
