If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize