When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
worst night to have a conscience
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
