i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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