Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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