I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
