You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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