I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
