You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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