You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
