I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
