Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
