I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
