Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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