if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
