so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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