I think i peed on brittanys purse
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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