I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
