Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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