my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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