This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
