Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
