Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize