My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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