Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
