the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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