mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
