Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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