Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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