her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I want to fling myself into the sun
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
