I'm drive I can fine osifer
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
