I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize