White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
