Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
