so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
