dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
