We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
