think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
