Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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