She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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