Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
