But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
