you guys were way drunker than both of me
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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