I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
