Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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