matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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