No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
