look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
