Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
