I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
