I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
