I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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