So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
