I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
