So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
