she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Drake has all the answers
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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