oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize