if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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