Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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