Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
